There are so many millions of toxic mothers-in-law, all around the world. They are the ones making inappropriate comments about your baby weight, being weirdly territorial about your partner, and using your kids as pawns. And many of them seem to completely lack self-awareness when it comes to their actions.

Is there any solution to the toxic mother-in-law problem? One mom thinks she’s found the answer. Over on TikTok, Janelle Marie of @millennialmatleave believes that the best mothers-in-law are the ones that simply have their own lives.

“The key to being a non-toxic mother-in-law is locked somewhere within filling your own cup,” she begins. “Fill your dang cup. Something outside of your children that makes you feel good, makes you feel fulfilled, makes you feel happy.”

How can moms of grown children fill their own cup? Don’t worry, Janelle is going to put it all out there in detail.

“Nurturing friendships, nurturing relationships, nurturing your marriage,” she explains. “I unfortunately feel like a number of mothers-in-law that are feeling really confused about this role of mother-in-law or dissatisfied with the role of mother-law, and it ends up meaning that they act in a way that comes across as desperate or controlling or with guilt trips — women who don’t have enough going on outside of their relationship and their role as a mom. And so when their kids grow up, they’re ill-equipped to replace that relationship with other things.”

That’s not too hard, right? Just don’t let your entire identity become “mom” while letting all of the other parts of your life fall to the wayside. Of course, so many moms in the 70s, 80s, and 90s already did this, and now the next generation is paying for it.

“I get it,” she concludes. “That’s all easier said than done, but I definitely think it’s something we need to be aware of.”

Down in the comments, women were quick to agree that MILs without hobbies, lives, or other strong relationships are the ones that get toxic fast.

“My MIL’s hobby was getting into my marriage,” wrote one viewer, to many upvotes.

“My toxic mother in law has had zero friends in the 18 years I’ve known her,” said another.

“Yessssss!! My MIL has no life outside of her children/grandchildren and going to work! I always said she’d be better if she actually had her own interests.”

A couple of mothers-in-law commented, too.

“I noticed I got too involved/emotional/bothered by my son’s relationship and immediately looked in the mirror! Poured that energy into my marriage, friends, and hobbies,” wrote one.

“OMG, you’re right,” said another. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good MIL, I don’t meddle or overstep, but boy do I struggle. I definitely need to get a hobby!”

Wow, it seems like not only is Janelle perhaps on to something, but the MILs are taking the news well! Now we might just have to figure out a way to get this video to our own toxic MILs.