Even when we don’t think our kids are paying attention, they are taking in the world around them all the time. Sometimes that includes starting conversations we don’t know how to have. Dr. Vicki Chan, an ophthalmologist and mom who posts on TikTok as @vickichanmd, recently had a moment of “freaking out internally” when her 11-year-old daughter asked “What’s an abortion?”

“Actually, she asked was ‘What is an aborshun?’” she clarified, and noted that her 8-year-old son was also in the car. “My natural instinct was to go into the medicine, but instead I asked her, what did she think it was? What had she heard?”

And it turns out she heard what a lot of people, particularly anti-abortion advocates, frame it: “Abortion is ‘killing babies.’”

Chan said this answer didn’t surprise her. And moreover, she understood why her daughter would say that. But she hoped to help her look at it from another perspective.

“I responded ‘I’ve heard that, but the way I think about it is that it’s when someone is pregnant and doesn’t want to be pregnant anymore.’”

Her daughter was unmoved by this new point of view and simply reiterated “So you’re killing babies.”

“I get it,” Chan conceded, “It doesn’t sound great. But let me ask: how do we feel about stabbing eyeballs?”

Both kids responded with the expected squeamish delight you’d expect. But Chan went on to explain, as an ophthalmologist who performs surgeries every day, that is technically what she does. Out of context it sounds horrible. But in the context of medical care, it makes way more sense.

“And my daughter got it,” she went on with a snap of her fingers. “Because then she said ‘Well, I guess it’s important to know why you’re doing it.’ She’s a smart one.”

Of course, as a smart kid, she had more questions. How could a pregnancy be bad? Or a baby, for that matter? And this is a question that makes a lot of sense for a kid who has been privileged to only encounter people who were ready and excited to welcome a child into their family.

“And now here is where I go into the medicine,” said Chan. “Sometimes pregnancy is not healthy for the mom. Sometimes the baby is sick and they have to end the pregnancy. Sometimes the mom can’t have a baby — she doesn’t have money, she doesn’t have a home, it could be dangerous for them. And she’s like ‘That’s really sad.’ It is. It is really sad.”

Her response: “Sometimes moms have to make the tough decision not to be pregnant anymore.”

Again, having the smart daughter that she has, Chan expects more questions from her kiddo, but was happy that, for now, she was able to understand the basics of such a complicated issue.

Honestly, this is a straightforward, compassionate, simple way to explain abortion in a way that allows for nuance and ongoing conversation. Great job, Dr. Chan!